An Open Letter to All the Single Ladies

Dear Sisters, 

Recently, I've found myself engaged in variations of the same conversation: dating. 

Yes, I am married but at the one year and three months’ mark, a newlywed can still recall the woes of dating in the century, err millennium.  Tinder, OKCupid, eHarmony... the list seems endless and the lonely nights, too long. So, what gives? Why is dating so hard these days? 

Upon attending a recent women's event, I heard countless women say bold statements such as, "Where are all the good guys?" or "The men won't step up!" and my favorite, "They all be trippin'". Soon, I found some of these women turning to me and saying, "You're married, how do we find a good guy? Do you know anyone? What do you think - why aren't there any good guys?". I left these conversations stumped. Where are the good guys for these beautiful friends of mine? 

The generation consensus is: “Weak men.”

Originally, I agreed - men are weak. However, leaving those conversations, I couldn’t shake that phrase from my head: weak men...

Weak men. Is that the problem? Do we live in a generation of weak men? What makes the men of this generation weaker than that of my father and his father before him? I look at my father and grandfather and I see strong men; Leaders of men, even. I look at my husband and I see a strong leader, yet another leader of men. My brother-in-law, another strong leader and lover to my little sister. So, what makes these men strong?

In generations past, women were taught to keep house, to keep quiet and to take care of the children. They would greet their husband at the door upon his arrival home from work. She would dote on his presence, and show gratitude for the life that she lived. (Calm down Feminists, I have a point!) Now, I am all for women’s rights, don’t misunderstand that. So, what’s the difference? What’s the point?

The women of generations past would raise up their men in verbal praise! We are nurturers, lovers, up lifters and encourages.

Women help build strong men.

Ladies, this is my charge to you:

  • Are you encouraging the men in your life?
  • {Single Ladies} When a man passes by a group of you and your girlfriends, does he hear words of praise or words of slander? If you aren’t raising up the men in your life with words of encouragement, praise, gratitude and love – why would you expect him to seek after your heart? 
  • {Married Ladies} How are you encouraging your husband? Are you showing your daughters what it looks like to encourage a husband and put Jesus first in a relationship? 
  • Proverbs 31: 26 says, “She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Ladies, this does not only apply to your girlfriends, children or husband – this applies to the men around you. Are you speaking words of wisdom and kindness into the life of the men in your church, your connect groups/small groups, your office, or your apartment building?
  • Encourage the men in your life. Next time you’re in a group of girlfriends, instead of putting men down for not stepping up, I want to challenge you to vocalize something great they have done!
  • Do you think Beyonce and Jay would ever have come together if she'd been telling Kelly Rowland how he wasn't good enough, at the Grammy's? NO!  It wouldn't matter how many moves Bey made, if he'd heard her speaking like that he wouldn't have given her the time of day.  

So ladies, let's start a movement of women who don’t slander the men around them but instead uphold them and love on them, with your words, and treat him like the SON of God that he is.

Remember earlier when I was raving about my father, husband and brother-in-law. Well, they weren’t always the leaders they are today. My mom has told me many times that my dad wasn’t a great leader when they met, or even when they married. So, why did she marry him? Because she saw potential in him; she knew that with her love and encouragement that he would grow into the man that God wanted him to be. Same goes for my husband, he had all the qualities of a fantastic leader but he wasn’t leading when we married. I had to spend time loving him, encouraging him and building him up in order for him to rise up – to step up.

I’m not saying you need to go out and missionary date. No. Hear that. What I am saying is that sometimes we look to the men in our lives, like our fathers, grandfathers and the husbands of our friends and we think that we’ll never find a man like that. The good guys do exist. They are being molded and shaped into the men God has designed them to be.

Know this: You are a daughter of God. Not all guys will immediately chase after the heart of God after hearing your words of encouragement. It is up to him to seek after God first and you second.  

LADIES, these men are your brothers in Christ! Use the weapon of your mouths to be a vessel for change, a catalyst for love and a voice of encouragement and praise.

All my love,